The Phantom

It still hurts. Not much. Not often. But it hurts. And it's not even there! My brain tells me that the second toe on my left foot hurts, or sometimes that it itches a little. When people ask me how my toe is, I always want to say, "I don't know. I haven't seen it in awhile."

I know it's been amputated. I know it could have caused me a lot of problems. The Dr. said that sort of infection could go to the heart valves, and I agreed that it had to be taken care of. After all, I have 10 toes, and only one heart. Two-thirds of a toe to protect my heart --not a bad trade, right? Right!

The path report came back clear, but the bone had turned to butter. We don't know why or when. They call it osteolysis. I've heard of Butterfingers. It's one of my favorite candy bars. But Buttertoes? That will never make it as a candy bar. It just sounds so gross.

Phantom pain is something I had heard of, but never experienced (maybe because I've never had anything amputated before.) My brain hasn't gotten the message that the toe is not there anymore, so it still sends those pain sensations. I couldn 't help but think of Christ's message in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5. He tells us that if our eye causes us to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. If our hand, even our right hand causes us to sin, cut it off and throw it away. That's pretty drastic in dealing with sin. But James 1:15 tells us that when sin is finished it brings forth death. So I guess it does require drastic measures.

Now, I'm wondering - when we deal with sin in our lives, is there "Phantom Pain" involved? Does it take a while for our brain to get the message that we don't do that anymore? When it's truly amputated from our lives, what is the residual pain, if any? Does it itch? What are the chances of it coming back? I know my toe won't grow back, so maybe that's why Jesus used the example of a part of our body. It's not supposed to grow back. We need to be done with it!

The image of standing before Christ in the final judgment completely naked with all my sin revealed used to trouble me until I realized that I will be clothed in the righteous robes of Christ. That's what God will see. My sin is separated from me as far as the east is from the west.

Most mothers count their baby's toes when they are born. Do you think He will count my toes when I am born into eternal life? I think I will have them all, then! Until then, 9 1/3 isn't bad. Could be worse!